


Theres still hope in the darkness (edited)

by jackiewalsh2013



Category: MMFD, My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Depression, F/M, Multi, Self Harm, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-06 21:20:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1872906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jackiewalsh2013/pseuds/jackiewalsh2013
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(No liam/No ian/No saul)</p><p>WARNING: mention of self harm</p><p>summary:rae’s falling apart and finn’s in leeds its up to the gang to sort this mess out.</p><p>(im not a writer i've never wrote anything before in my life)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Theres still hope in the darkness (edited)

mmfd fic (No liam No ian/saul)  
WARNING: mention of self harm  
summary:rae’s falling apart and finn’s in leeds its up to the gang to sort this mess out,  
really weren’t sure how to start this so here goes:

Just a normal Friday afternoon for the gang, even though theres two people missing, theres no more laughing at their table just sad faces drinking trying to think how to get rae and finn back to the gang were they belong, it’s been hard.  
Rae’s not talking to anyone just stairs passed as if theres no one there, not even her mum could get her to talk to anyone, everybody’s worried she’s stopped seeing Kester, stopped taking her pills, she’s not been out of her room in more than two weeks when she does its just to the bathroom not a single word to anyone, night after night she could hear his voice from outside her window curling up into a ball trying to block every single sound out, the darkness was eating her up, that the thoughts in her head were getting worse and worse, she laid staring at the wall hearing her mum shouting outside she got up look at him just one last time before returning to to her bed, days and weeks passed she never even noticed the countless times chloe, izzy, archie and chop have been to see her, she just lay there crying silently not a single word past her lips.  
And Finn well he’s buggered off to Leeds couldn’t handle not being with Rae being friends wasn’t enough sleepless nights in a cold room in leeds it didn’t feel like home his home was stamford but he had to get away to hard to be around her the love he felt took over he tried to talk to her again, wanting to know the reason she dumped him she wouldn’t speak to him, night after night he stood near her window shouting her name he could see the curtain move slightly but that was it, know sign of the window opening but the door did of course it was linda shouting at him to leave her daughter alone, finn just looked back at the window and saw the outline of rae behind the curtain, looking back at linda, sorry i wont bother her again he said he turned and walked away, that was the last time rae had seen him, tears streaming down his face walking home cold damp weather angrily wiping his tears away, and thats when it came to him like his dad had suggested work in leeds with his uncle it didnt seem so bad now, in that moment he new leeds would be the best thing for him, no goodbyes to anyone he just packed a bag and left the same night.   
chop slammed his glass down on the table before getting up, “right we need to do somet to save Raemundo from her self” he said as looked at the gang,  
"fuck this right we’re going to leeds right now and bringing that dickhead home for good! come on get in my car"  
"chop" Izy said as they were following him to his car, "what are we gunna do when we get there, we cant make him come home if he doesn’t want to can we?", looking at chop and the others.  
"we need to do this" chole said while getting in the back seat, we can’t sit around and do nothing Finn needs Rae and she needs him more than she knows izzy, we need to bring him back to Rae we all know Rae quite well right? she may be stubborn but Finn is aswell, so we gotta make the first move, so chop hurry the fuck up and put you foot down we gotta go now!".  
"right its decided" chop said while light a cig and just before starting the engine and driving off away from stamford.  
"Archie are you sure this is the right house?" chloe asked whilst getting out of the car.  
"yeah im sure got the address off his dad right lets do this shit come on i no his uncle met him a few times", ringing the doorbell we waited a few seconds later we could see the outline of finn coming to the door as it opened his face lit up with a big smile,  
"alright? what are you lot doing er?" thats when chop pushed to the front and grabbed finn by the collar of hi t-shirt and said "you are coming home with us right now i don’t care what you say our raemundo needs you she never leaves her house or room all she does is cry and you me lad needs get your skinny fucking arse in my car right now or ill fucking make ya."  
The pure shock on finns face was priceless we all stared at chop in shock, next was archie to pipe up, “Finn you need to come home mate she having a break down mate she won’t talk to us you need to speak to her please if you still feel anything for her please come back with us” Archie said a tear slipped from his eye.  
"she needs you please Finn" Izzy said while cuddling up to Chop.  
Chloe was the last to speak up, “so help me god Finn if you don’t get in that care right now ill string you up by ya balls! while poking him in the chest.  
Finn looked from chop to chloe and new he had to do this because chloe looked like she was about to take him up on the threat she just stated. “  
fine but i don’t see what i’m meant to do she won’t even speak to me, you lot have a better chance than me!”, a tear pricking his eye, “why did she break up with me with no reason other then she doesn’t want to be with me anymore?!”.  
"FINN!" shut up izzy shouted getting everyone’s attention. "just shut up we need to go now i don’t think we have much time i think she might try and hurt herself again please finn just come home you’re the only one she will listen to coz she loves you more then you know!".  
Finn turned around walked up the stairs grabbed his jacket and shoes and was back down the stairs in a matter of seconds. “come on we need to go! ill get my stuff later”.  
They all rushed back to the car jumping in and setting off back to stamford.  
Rae was all Chloe could think about what if they were too late.  
What if shes done something already.  
She wiped the tears from her eyes and sniffled, a light opening the window slightly for some fresh air to her face and then she spoke.  
"what if we’re too late then what do we do?!", the tears flowing freely now.  
"don’t think like that Chlo" chop said glancing over his shoulder then looking back to the road.  
"think positive right were nearly back about 20 minutes away".  
Finn looked out if the window before putting his face in his hands and letting out a sob he felt Archies hand on his shoulder giving it a pat.  
"Where here mate", Archie said to finn whilst opening the door and getting out as did everyone else, finn was the first to run to the front door banging on it was then we saw that Linda’s car was gone.  
"Guys her mum’s not here!, we need to get in that house now!" chop said all three lads were banging to door with there shoulders trying to get it open they tried again and it flung open, they all rushed up the stairs to her room.  
The door was shut, finn looked at his friends, “let me speak to her first”, they all nodded “come on, we’ll wait downstairs and we need someone to fix that door” chloe said while walking down the stairs.  
Finn pushed her door open slowly walking in he saw her curled up on her bed.  
"Rae?" finn said as he sat down next to her she moved to look at him. "wha..what are ya doin here?" she said through sobs and tears.  
Finn looked her up and down them said, “im here to save you Rae, because i love you and i didn’t know this would happen when i left, you said it was for the best, i didn’t realise you were lying until the gang came to leeds there all down stairs, Rae so many people care about you and love you more than you think, please let me in i need you aswell Rae, i left coz i just couldn’t stand not being without you, it hurt so much you broke my heart and i can’t live without you in my life” Finn let out a sob and looked rae in the eyes, “please tell me you didn’t cut please”.  
As he was saying this he made rae stand up and took off her toothpaste coloured dressing gown, she just stood there with her head down while he looked at her he stopped and went to the door and closed it and slid the lock, he went and closed to curtains and finally returned and stood in front of rae he tilted her head up to look at him and thats when he asked, “have you done anything Rae?”, his voice weak but still wanting answers, All Rae could do was nod, finn took her in his arms she sobbed for a long time till finn pulled away, Rae show me what you’ve done now”.  
she nodded and slowly slid down her pj bottoms so he could the fresh new cuts he dropped to his knees in front of Rae and slowly left light kisses on each new cut, he looked up at her and knew she needed alot more help then he could ever give her, he stood and went to the her cupboard opening and bringing some clothes out he turned and went back to Rae, “get dressed im taking you somewhere” and with that he unlocked her door and closed it behind him.  
He saw chloe at the bottom of the stairs and asked if she would help Rae get dressed and told her she has cut her legs and to be careful with her.  
Chloe simply nodded and made her way up the stairs and into Rae’s room, she saw sitting on her bed with clothes at her side, chloe knew she had to get her dressed she wouldn’t do it herself.  
"Rae" chloe finally said crossing the room to her she stood rae up and helped her into the legging at the side of her and the band t-shirt she was holding in her hands.  
chloe looked around and found her socks and converses helping her put them on once she was dressed chloe asked if she wanted to come down now, Rae shook her head no, thats when chloe new only Finn could get her out of this room, she stood and left the room.  
Back down the stairs to see the gang sat on the sofa, “Finn she’s dressed but won’t come down, she didn’t say it but she needs you, i think she will do if you tell her to” Chloe said while sitting next to izzy.  
Finn looked up at the ceiling and back down at chloe, he stood and made his way up stairs back to Rae she was sitting on the floor hugging her knees with her head on her knees.  
"Rae come on we need to go now", he walked up to her and helped her up slowly walking her out of the door and down stairs, he grabbed her leather jacket and bag and turned and said to chop to wait her for linda and tell her Rae’s with him and staying at his house tonight, Chop nodded and sat back down,  
As Finn led her out of the front door, to Chops car opening the door for Rae to get in closing it soon as she was in and jogging to the other side and getting in he didn’t say a word just drove down the road, they came to the junction he turned right heading to the hospital, as they were coming into the carpark Finn parked and got out jogging round to Rae’s side he helped her out and spoke, “I’ve brought you here because you know cutting isn’t going to fix anything right?, so you’re gunna talk to Kester whether you like it or not then were going back to mine so you can have a shower, food and then some sleep okay?”, he looked at her to see that she understood him.  
He took Rae’s hand and led her into the hospital, round the corner to Kesters office, kester was waiting outside of the door he smiled when he saw them, come its to see you both, please sit over there in the corner Finn.  
Finn looked to where kester had pointed in his office and took a seat.  
"Rae" Kester said softly as he sat down in his chair and motioned for her to sit, "i do believe you’ve starting cutting again, Finn called me said you had cuts all over your legs and that you needed to speak to me i know this is hard Rae". Rae sobbed while listening to Kester scratching at her hands whilst looking down at her feet.  
"Rae i’d like to start with what made you cut again", he waited for Rae to speak, she looked up at Kester then over her shoulder at Finn once she turned back she took a deep shaky breath and started to speak.  
"I’m broken i break everything and everyone around me", she took a breath and looked down, "i split up with Finn because im fat, im ugly and i can’t look at myself naked, never mind letting Finn look, so i broke up with him before it was to hard that we couldn’t be friends, i couldn’t stand all the looks from people at college it made me feel like it was so wrong".  
"So i did what i thought was right, Finn could find someone better than me someone smaller and who would look right with him, i was for the best, but i fell in love with you Finn".  
She turned to look at him, “and i just couldn’t face you i saw you at my window, i knew you wanted to talk but i just couldn’t do it and then you were gone”, she stopped to take a breath and wipe her eyes, “then i felt like i had ruined everything good that i had in my life, i always ruin everything, it was like it crept up on me the darkness came in and i cut to numb the pain i was missing you and didn’t think i could talk to you or anymore else, I’m so sorry i broke up with you and didn’t tell you why I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done to you finn”.  
She turned to look at kester and saw him smile at her she replied with a weak smile, “Rae i think you just needed to get everything out in the open you really should have spoken to Finn in the first place, he rang me earlier he also explained that you became distant in your relationship with him, i think we should talk that another day and you should also be open with Finn tell him everything that you’re thinking even if you think it”s stupid”.  
"i will listen to you rae you need to talk to me i know im no good with talking but we can figure this out together yeah?" Finn said.  
Rae turned to Finn, “i will try, i promise”.  
"Rae i don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be on your own tonight, do you want me to call your mum?" Rae looked up at kester.  
"No i’m staying at finns house, i’ll be okay i don’t want to go home yet i can’t face my mum, I’ll have to tell her what i’ve gone, she’ll worry i can’t hurt her like that again, i just need to be with Finn with right now".  
"Thats fine Rae, Finn can you bring Rae in tomorrow for another session say around three o’clock is that okay? i think it will really help you Rae", both Rae and Finn nodded.  
Walking back to the car rae felt like everything had been lifted off her shoulders like the world was crashing down at her feet and she couldn’t do anything to stop it.  
"Finn, i need to say this now or i never will i think our relationship was good right before i went and fucked the whole thing up i want to try again but if you dont then i’ll deal with it", she looked to her right to see finn staring at her she reached over and cupped his cheek wiping the tear away with her thumb.  
"Rae i’m never gunna let you go again, you idiot the whole point why i came here with you was for you to say why you left me and you did just that", he lent over and took her face in his hands, "i’m always gunna be with you no matter how many times we argue or fight because i love you Rachel Earl, so you better believe girl".  
They both lent in and kissed for what felt like hours, Rae pulled back and looked at him, “thank you” she said she looked him in his eyes and said ”i love you too, and im never gunna run away from our problems again”. finn smiled at her, “good now lets get you back to mine yeah?” Rae nodded and lent back in her seat, she smile as finn started the car heading to his house, as they were pulling up Finn’s dad was in the doorstep waiting for them.  
Finn jumped out the car, “Rae just give me a minute ok?” she nodded not looking at his dad.  
Finn walked up there drive, Rae was looking through the window at him seeing Finn talking something was being said his dad pulled Finn into hug, they pulled out and Finn came back and opened my door i stepped out and took Finn’s hand that was waiting for me i glanced up at Finn and smiled.  
soon enough we were in his bedroom, sitting on his bed we got everything out in the open like Kester had said, i mean it was good advice it worked i suppose, we talked for what felt like hours.  
"I’m just gunna get us some food okay?" Finn asked whilst looking in his cupboard.  
"well i don’t think your gunna find any in there do you?" Rae said with a cheeky smile, finn glanced over his shoulder at her rolling his eyes.  
He pulled a shirt for Rae to wear, “here” he said handing his shirt to Rae “you can sleep in this alright?”  
oh god i can’t wear this, it will not fit, is he stupid or something.  
"Rae", finn huffed "just put it on stop over thinking things it will fit, i no it will, ill be back in a minute yeah?".  
great like i even have a choice fucksake.  
okay so it did fit, wasn’t covering my scars though, oh god what am i even thinking hes pulled down my pj bottoms he’s seen most of me now, well maybe ill just sit on his bed under the covers.yeah that should work.  
Just as she was pulling back the covers the door flung open, she turned and saw finn’s eyes roaming all over her body. she jumped under the covers feeling a little self conscious about the way he just looked at at her body, his mouth slightly parted i swear i can see drool!.  
"Finn are you okay?" Rae asked with an amused look on her face, he just nodded before closing the door behind and setting the plate in front of rae.  
shit what do i do now just eat it slowly yeah that should work.   
"Rae do ya want some tunes on?" finn asked  
"umm yeah if ya want not bothered", i said while nibbling at my sandwich hes makes a good sandwich ”thanks for letting me stay ya know ya didn’t have too”.   
Finn looked at me with a thrown, “look MAE you’re my girl yeah”, he said firmly i looked up and nodded.  
Love it when he calls me girl makes my heart flutter  
"So you’re staying here whether you like it or not", he lent over to me cupping my face kissing me so deeply i had to pull back i was about to faint fuck hes a good kisser, “so what record do ya wanna listen to”.  
"why don’t you pick" i said whilst snuggling down in his bed.  
"no!" i shouted at him the look on his face priceless, “you either turn that off or im leaving i mean it ill go!” said hes was looking at me with a smug as fuck face that’s when he said the most cutest thing i had ever heard apart from i love you. “Rae you know its our song just admit it”.  
"no way is this our song i mean it Finnley Nelson, turn it off or im leaving!" that’s when he strolled over to me climbing on top of me his rough hand lifting my head up to meet his eyes.  
"Did you just full name me" he asked with a serious face, don’t know what hes thinking but fuck he looks hot right now. yeah and “what ya gunna do about it?”, yeah two can play this game Finnley,   
"nothing at all not tonight anyway just wait and see girl" and with that he got up and started to undress fuck.  
i dont know whats wrong with me i just can’t seem to think straight right now, my mind felt like it was about to explode right there and then aarghh, just the sight of finn in boxers and nothing else was out of this world, wait am i drooling!, casually slipping my hand up to my face to check, oh thank fuck! he climbed in next to me, pulling me into his arms.  
"Rae?", Finn spoke softly, "you know i was only joking right", i looked up to see his worried face, i cupped his face with my hand and said "well the strip show you just put on was really fucking good so might have to stay to see it again", and with that i pecked his lips and snuggled back into his arms.  
Bet he was not expecting that one!.  
"You cheeky little shit" Finn said as he started to tickle my sides i couldn’t help but swat his arms but he was way too fast for me in a matter of seconds he was lent over me my arms pinned up near my head, looking down at me with such a smug face i just wanted to punch it, "thanks" he said while not actually looking at my face, "oi dickhead my face is up here" i said whilst i were struggling to get out of his grip. "Rae i know that but the view i have right now is a lot better.   
cheeky son of a bitch.


End file.
